Receiving an adult autism diagnosis can be a difficult experience. While it may bring relief and clarity, it can also bring up a range of emotions as you process what it means for you. Many people initially feel validated, finally understanding why they have faced certain challenges in life. However, as time passes, deeper and more complex emotions may arise.
It can feel like a lonely journey. So, if you or someone you know is navigating an adult autism diagnosis, here are five steps to help you keep going and process this experience with self-compassion.
Step 1: Validate your feelings
A diagnosis can bring a sense of belonging and relief, finally explaining years of feeling “different” or “out of place.” Many people describe it as a missing puzzle piece finally clicking into place, offering a new framework for understanding oneself, relationships, and past experiences.
However, even if you suspected you were autistic for a long time, the official diagnosis can bring up a mix of emotions, such as:
- Grief: Mourning the opportunities and support you may have missed.
- Anger: Frustration about not being diagnosed earlier.
- Confusion: Uncertainty about how this changes your self-perception and how others see you.
- Relief: Understanding that your struggles were not imagined.
- Uncertainty: Wondering what this means for your future.
What can you do?
One way to validate your emotions is by acknowledging them without judgment. Try telling yourself:
“It makes sense that I feel [insert emotion] because I was just diagnosed with autism.”
Your emotions are valid, and you deserve time and space to process them at your own pace.
Step 2: Understanding the grief cycle
A late autism diagnosis can bring grief about the life you might have had if you were diagnosed earlier. You may wonder how different things could have been with the right support, understanding, and accommodations.
Grief is deeply personal and non-linear. Different aspects of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) may appear in any order, overlap, or resurface at different times. There is no “right” way to grieve, and emotions like sadness, frustration, withdrawal, or emptiness are all expected.
What can you do?
- Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help process them and bring greater self-understanding.
- Express anger in a healthy way: Physical activities, deep breathing, or creative outlets can help release frustration.
- Coping with bargaining: While you may not be able to change the past, focusing on the present and what you can do moving forward can help ease feelings of regret.
- Managing sadness: Talking about your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a support group can be helpful. Staying engaged in activities you enjoy can also provide comfort.
- Moving towards acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean being happy about the diagnosis, it means acknowledging it and finding ways to support your wellbeing moving forward.
Step 3: Educate yourself about autism
Understanding autism can empower you. A diagnosis isn’t a limitation, it’s an opportunity to learn more about yourself and make sense of your experiences.
- Explore books, research, and support groups focused on neurodiversity.
- Learn about masking: Many autistic individuals unconsciously mask their traits to fit societal expectations. Unmasking can lead to greater authenticity and self-acceptance.
- Recognize the benefits of a diagnosis: It can open access to services, accommodations, and benefits, including in education and the workplace.
- A diagnosis doesn’t change who you are, it simply helps you understand yourself better.
Step 4: Seek support for your adult autism diagnosis
It may feel like a lonely journey, but you may be surprised how many other people have been there too. Having supportive and understanding people around you can make a big difference.
“After I was diagnosed I heard from a friend and a work colleague that they had also been recently diagnosed with autism. It was kind of a relief to find my ‘people’ that knew what it felt like to spend so many years feeling so weird and different, and to finally have an answer.” – Tana, Australia
There are a range of ways you could find people who understand, such as:
- Join a group: Online communities or local autism groups can offer guidance and connection.
- Consider therapy: A neurodivergent-affirming therapist can provide valuable support.
- Talk about it: Sharing your experience with trusted loved ones can help them better understand and support you.
- Be patient: Finding the right support system takes time, but you deserve to be understood and accepted.
Step 5: Focus on the present
An adult autism diagnosis doesn’t mean starting from scratch, it means gaining the knowledge to advocate for yourself and better understand your needs.
“I was so angry when I found out. My life has been so much harder than it should have, because I have been also dealing with neurodiversity all along. It took me a long time to work through that, and get to feeling proud of myself again.” – Matt, United Kingdom
Identify what makes you feel comfortable and safe: What hobbies, interests, or sensory-friendly activities bring you peace?
Acknowledge small wins: Recognize moments of self-discovery and personal growth.
Shift your focus: Instead of dwelling on what could have been, consider what you can do now to support your well-being today.
Your diagnosis is just one part of your journey, and you have the right to take all the time you need to process it and make a plan for moving forwards.
We’ve been there 💙
Wherever you are in your journey, Griefity is here to support you. Our resources can help you navigate the cycle of grief, self-acceptance, and emotional processing that may arise after a late autism diagnosis.
You deserve understanding, validation, and support, every step of the way.
Alex Murray
Alex Murray is a clinical psychologist with specialized training in CBT for anxiety and depression and DBT for emotional regulation. With an entrepreneurial spirit, she is passionate about making complex mental health concepts accessible through engaging articles and innovative products. Based in Auckland, New Zealand, she enjoys life with her husband, daughter, and two cats.
