HOW-TO GUIDE
👋 This short online guide provides step-by-step instructions for writing a letter to yourself, by following a helpful reflective format.
This is a powerful tool to make space for healing, and practice self-compassion and reflection during difficult times.
In this guide:
- Write a letter to yourself
- Reflect on the challenges you have been experiencing
- Show compassion for your efforts in overcoming obstacles
Please remember that we all grieve and process emotions differently, and everyone’s situation is different too. Some parts of this guide might align well with you, and others may not seem relevant. Take from it what you need.
This is available to Griefity app users.
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Step 1 – Find a quiet space and prepare
In this exercise, you are going to write a letter to yourself. You are the owner of the letter and can write whatever you like, as this letter is not to be shared. You may choose to throw away or destroy the letter afterwards, or keep it in a safe private place to reflect on at a later date. You can write as many letters to yourself as you wish.
☀️ Choose a comfortable and quiet place where you can write without interruptions. This space should feel safe and private, and be a place where you feel secure to express your thoughts and emotions.
☀️ Bring something to write with. You might choose to use pen and paper, or a device like a laptop. Phones are ok but not as easy to write on with the smaller screen and keyboard.
☀️ If writing is not your thing, you can record an audio or video letter. Use a device that can record (phone or laptop) and set it to the app you use to record with.
☀️ Take a deep breath. Hold it while you count to 3 and breathe out. Notice any tension in your body – are your shoulders tense? Take another deep breath and breathe out slowly while you count to 5.
🪴 It is important to write about things that resonate with you. Go with your gut feeling – what feels right, will be right. There is no wrong way to write this letter.
Step 2 – Begin the letter
Begin the letter with:
✏️ Dear*Your name*, you have been through a lot.
Next, write down some of the things that you have been dealing with lately.
Imagine you are talking to a friend who has been having a difficult time.
For example:
✏️ Dear Sally-Ann, you have been through a lot.
✏️ You have lost your dear old mum to cancer, and you have been struggling to get through the days.
List as many things here as you need to, before moving to the next step.
Step 3 – Acknowledge how difficult this has been
Continue your letter by acknowledging how difficult these events have been:
✏️ This has been really difficult for you because…
✏️ I am so sorry this happened to you…
✏️ You don’t deserve to have to cope with such tough times.
Step 4 – Note what you have learned
Note down what you have learned as you move through these difficult times.
✏️ You have learned that you…
✏️ You have learned that other people will…
✏️ You have found that…
Step 5 – Offer encouragement
Next, write some encouraging words as though you would write them to a friend.
Write as many of these as you can. Even if they don’t entirely make sense, just write as many as spring to mind.
✏️ I’m so proud of the way you handled…
✏️ You are doing your best to…
✏️ Even when things have been so hard, you have still…
Step 6 – Express your gratitude
Write down the things that you are thankful to yourself for. This can be difficult to do, but again imagine you’re writing to a friend. Write down as many of these statements as you can.
✏️ Thank you for taking care of…
✏️ Thank you for always trying to…
✏️ Thank you for never giving up, even on the toughest days.
Step 7 – End the letter with love
Write a closing statement that resonates with you and reflects on what you wish for yourself going forwards into the future.
✏️ I love you and want the best for you.
✏️ Please keep smiling and battling on.
✏️ Your hard work and perseverance will pay off. Keep going.
Step 8 – Read and reflect
Read over your letter and think about the following:
❤️ How did writing this letter make you feel?
❤️ What was the hardest part about writing this?
❤️ How do you feel after reading the letter?
❤️ Did you forget to include anything when you wrote this letter? What would you write about next time?
Example letter
Here is an example letter, using the steps above, and written by Sally-Ann. This might give you some ideas of things to write about.
Dear Sally-Ann, you have been through a lot.
You have lost your dear old mum to cancer, and you have been struggling to get through the days.
This has been really difficult for you because your mum was the center of your family. You always looked up to her and turned to her as a source of comfort and stability. Every time you talked on the phone you felt supported and whole again, and you loved hearing from someone who always had your best interests at heart. Now you feel so lost and alone in the world.
I am so sorry you have lost her. No one else cares for you like your mum did.
You don’t deserve to have to cope with such tough times.
You have learned that other people will never really understand how devastating this has been for you.
You have learned that you struggle to find the words to tell people how awful this has been and how it has shattered the way you see yourself in the world.
You are doing your best to keep your head up and take small steps forward every day. You are doing your best to get back to work and try to be functional. You are doing your best to support your sister. You are doing your best to deal with all the horrible admin around probate and wills.
Thank you for taking care of everyone. Thank you for putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for taking care of your sister, even when she is so unhelpful. Thank you for giving your mum the send off that she would have wanted. Thank you for emailing the solicitors back even though it makes you panic. Thank you for getting up and feeding the cat each day.
Thank you for never giving up, even on the toughest days.
Please keep smiling and battling on.
Love from Sally-Ann