Why is it so important to feel your feelings while grieving?

I know, it’s easier said than done. But before we get into how to sit with your emotions, I want to explain why it matters.

Grief brings intense emotional pain, and it’s completely natural to want to avoid that pain. Maybe you’ve been steering clear of places that remind you of your pet, or distracting yourself to keep the sadness at bay. That makes sense, but avoiding those feelings doesn’t make them go away. In fact, it often prolongs your suffering. When we push grief aside, the healing process gets delayed or tangled, and the pain can resurface later in more complicated ways.

Think of it like a wound: if you ignore it, it doesn’t just disappear, it festers. Healing requires attention, even when it hurts.

Learning to sit with your feelings, without suppressing, avoiding, or amplifying them, is a key emotional skill. It doesn’t mean you have to like how you feel. It simply means recognising that sadness, guilt, anger, or even anxiety are natural responses to losing a relationship that deeply mattered.

Giving yourself space to feel is not weakness. It’s the path forward.

Guided meditation

Follow this guided meditation to tune in to your emotions and sit with them:

Gently close your eyes.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly.
Take a slow, deep breath.

Now, take a moment to gently check in with yourself.
Softly ask, “How am I feeling right now?”
Notice any emotions moving through you,
and try to name the one that feels most present.

Approach whatever arises with openness and compassion.
Allow your emotions to simply be there, without judgment.

Now, take a moment to experience the emotion.
Don’t try to make it bigger or push it away,
just observe it, and accept it exactly as it is.
You can picture it like a wave moving through your body.
Watch it gently, without resistance.

Observe with curiosity.
Ask yourself, “Where in my body do I feel this emotion?”
Notice the physical sensations that come with it.
And allow the feeling to release.

Allow yourself to feel the emotion a little more deeply, without acting on it.
Emotions often carry messages or urges.
Today, we’re just going to listen.
Ask yourself, “What is this emotion telling me?”

And finally, remember that emotions are temporary.
This feeling will pass.
If it helps, bring to mind a moment when you felt differently,
Perhaps calmer, lighter, at peace.
When was the last time you felt at peace?

When you’re ready, gently open your eyes.
Take one more deep breath, and as you exhale,
give your shoulders a gentle shake
and release any remaining tension.

Alternative activity to the guided meditation:

If you prefer not to follow a guided meditation, you can use the following reflective steps when you’re experiencing an unpleasant emotion you might otherwise try to suppress:

1. Name the Emotion
   Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now?
   Try naming the emotion directly. If it helps, say to yourself, “Hello, [emotion],” as if greeting an old friend on the street. Naming the emotion is the first step toward emotional regulation, remember the phrase: “Name it to tame it.”
   
2. Validate the Feeling
   Use this self-validation formula:
   “It makes sense that I’m feeling [emotion] because [insert fact].”
   This simple step helps you recognize the legitimacy of your experience without judgment.
   
3. Accept and Observe the Emotion
   Let the feeling be there without trying to push it away. Approach it with gentle curiosity instead of criticism. Ask yourself: Where in my body do I feel this?
   Emotions often come in waves, notice how they move and shift within you.
   
4. Release the Emotion
   As you exhale, allow the feeling to move through you. This could mean crying, sighing, clenching and releasing your fists, whatever your body needs to safely express and release it.
   
5. Soothe Yourself
   Place a hand on your chest or gently hug yourself. Take a few deep, grounding breaths. If helpful, remember a time you felt differently,  this can reassure you that emotions are temporary, and it’s completely okay to feel the way you do.