We get a lot of questions about the stages of grief after losing a pet. People are wondering about what to expect and plan for as they grieve a beloved pet. Will it be denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance?
This framework, known as the Kübler-Ross model, was originally designed to describe how terminally ill patients come to terms with their own mortality. Over time, it’s been widely applied to all kinds of loss, including the death of a pet.
We want to offer a different perspective. Grief, especially after losing a beloved pet, doesn’t follow a neat, linear progression. It’s not a checklist you move through step by step. Instead, grief is a unique and personal journey that can ebb, flow, and double back unexpectedly.
Here’s why the idea of stages can be limiting when grieving the loss of a pet:
Grief isn’t a linear process
Grief doesn’t unfold in a straight line. You might feel relatively “okay” one day, only to be overwhelmed by sadness the next. And that’s completely normal.
You might experience several emotions at once, like anger, sadness, confusion. You might then circle back to feelings you thought you had already processed at various times.
The idea that you need to “complete” one stage before moving to the next can make people feel like they’re doing grief wrong, which is simply not true.
Every relationship with a pet is different
The relationship we have with our pets is deeply individual, so the grief that follows their loss is just as personal.
Some people might feel immediate, overwhelming sorrow. Others might experience a slow, creeping sadness that builds over time. You might not feel “anger” at all, or maybe you’re never in “denial” about the loss.
Grief is as varied as the bonds we share with our pets, and there’s no one-size-fits-all experience.
Pet loss can bring multiple emotions at once
You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, and even moments of joy and happy memories, all in the same day.
For example, you might be feeling deep sorrow about your pet’s absence, but you could also smile at a funny memory that pops into your mind. Grief doesn’t compartmentalize. It’s messy and unpredictable.
Trying to fit your experience into stages can diminish the complexity of what you’re going through.
Grief doesn’t end with acceptance
Many people believe that the end goal of grief is “acceptance.”
But even when you’ve accepted the reality of your pet’s death, that doesn’t mean your grief vanishes. You can accept that your pet is gone and still feel sadness, longing, or even anger years down the line.
Grief doesn’t have a neat ending, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t healing. It’s about learning to live with the absence, not erasing the pain.
Read more of our resources about pet loss grief.
Grief can resurface after pet loss
After losing a pet, grief can resurface unexpectedly. It might be triggered by seeing their favourite toy, hearing a familiar sound, or just noticing the quiet absence in your home.
These moments can feel like you’re being thrown back into grief after you thought you were “moving on.”
But grief is not about moving on—it’s about moving forward while carrying the love and memories of your pet with you.
Grieve for your pet in your own way
Rather than feeling confined by the idea of stages of grief after losing a pet, we encourage you to honour your grief for what it is: your own personal experience with your pet.
There’s no timeline, no “correct” way to grieve. Your grief may take you in unexpected directions. Whether you’re crying, laughing, reminiscing, or simply feeling numb, your grief is valid.
In pet loss, as with any kind of grief, the most important thing is to be gentle with yourself. Allow your feelings to exist without judgment, and don’t feel pressure to fit your experience into predefined stages. Your journey is your own, and it’s okay to take it one step, one day, or even one moment at a time.
Grief is a reflection of the love you shared, and there is no right or wrong way to carry that love forward.
