Grief is what you experience when you have suffered a loss. The key word here is “loss”, as grief is not only experienced after the death of a loved one but also in response to any significant loss that affects your life.
You may grieve the loss of:
- A friend, family member, partner, or pet
- A marriage or friendship
- Your home or community
- A loss due to fire, theft, or displacement
- Your job or career
- Your financial stability
- A dream or goal that didn’t materialize
- Your health or physical abilities
- Your youth or sense of identity
Important facts about grieving
- Grief is not a disorder, it is a normal and necessary process.
Is a natural and expected mental function in response to loss and plays a crucial role in helping us adjust to a new reality. - Grief takes time and follows its own path.
There is no set timeline for grief, it lasts as long as it needs to. While symptoms usually improve over six months to two years, everyone’s journey is unique. - Grief is like an emotional roller coaster.
The experience is filled with ups and downs. If you have a few good days and then a difficult one, don’t see it as a setback, it’s simply part of the grieving process. - Grief is a high-stress experience that impacts your body.
Loss places significant stress on the immune system, often leading to physical symptoms like colds, lingering flu, headaches, back pain, digestive issues, dizziness, insomnia, or flare-ups of pre-existing conditions.
Symptoms of grief
Grief impacts every part of your being, emotionally, mentally, physically, and behaviorally. It’s common to feel overwhelmed and unable to function at full capacity during this time.
If possible, allow yourself space to slow down and adjust to the loss.
“I thought grief would feel like being sad for a while, crying a lot and then recovering. In reality I hardly cried. I felt so numb and lost. I couldn’t plan things or organise myself at all for months. In hindsight, for me, grief didn’t feel much like sadness at all. It was a deep, deep emptiness.” – Jacob, United States
“Just devastating. It was like my body and my mind aged 50 years in a week. New health problems, aches and pains, you name it. I was physically falling apart from the stress of losing my mum.” – Anna, United Kingdom
Emotional symptoms of grief
Grief is often described as coming in waves, one moment you might feel like things are returning to normal, and the next, intense emotions may surface unexpectedly. These emotions can be complex, conflicting, and sometimes difficult to process.
Some common emotional responses include:
- Sadness and relief, missing a loved one but feeling comforted that they are no longer suffering.
- Feeling guilt about the relief that comes after no longer being a caregiver for a terminally ill loved one.
- Mixed emotions, anger, regret, sadness, or indifference when grieving someone with whom you had a complicated or strained relationship.
There is no right or wrong way to feel. Every emotion is valid and an important part of the healing process.
Physical symptoms of grief
Grief is a significant source of stress, and stress has a direct impact on the body.
The immune system may weaken, making it easier to get sick, and physical symptoms may arise, including:
- Fatigue or exhaustion
- Headaches or migraines
- Nausea or stomach discomfort
- Restlessness or agitation
- Heart palpitations
- Muscle weakness or joint pain
- Tightness in the chest or throat
- Changes in appetite (eating too much or too little)
- Sleep disturbances (insomnia or excessive sleeping)
Even if you suspect these symptoms are being caused by grief, please remember to get professional advice from a health practitioner.
Cognitive and behavioral changes
Grief affects the brain, making it difficult to focus, think clearly, or complete daily tasks. You might experience:
- Confusion or brain fog
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Forgetfulness and trouble keeping track of responsibilities
- Loss of motivation or disinterest in things that once mattered
- Feeling disconnected from life, struggling to find purpose
- Fixation on the loss, making it difficult to focus on anything else
All of these reactions are natural as your brain works to process the loss and adapt to a new reality.
“Something I didn’t expect was for my memory to be so badly affected after my wife died. I couldn’t remember anything, conversations from a few days ago, who I had spoken to that day, any future plans. It worried me that I would never recover from this, how would I ever get back to work, or look after the household in such a state. My memory come back, but it took a long time. I still can’t really remember about a month around the time she died.” – Andy, United Kingdom
When grief becomes complicated or prolonged
While grief is always complex and deeply personal, in some cases, it may become prolonged or complicated, interfering with daily life for an extended period.
If grief persists intensely for more than a year, it may be considered complicated grief.
Signs include:
- Feeling as if a part of you has died
- Struggling to accept that the loss occurred
- Avoiding reminders of the loss
- Experiencing overwhelming emotional pain that makes daily life difficult
- Feeling numb, lonely, or like life has lost its meaning
- Having trouble engaging in activities, making plans, or thinking about the future
While we don’t like to put a timeline on grief, if it is disrupting your ability to function long-term, seeking professional support can help you navigate the healing process.
If you think that you (or someone else) might be experiencing complicated or prolonged grief, we highly recommend speaking to a doctor or mental health professional about this. They will be able to offer you additional treatment options to assist.
Everyone’s grief is different
Your experience of grief may be different to what you expected or pictured. It may be different to what other people around you have experienced. You might feel like you are going through more or less than others, or have grief showing up in a different way. Our key message here is to do what is right, for you, at the time.
Wherever you are in your journey, Griefity is here for you. Our in-app resources provide guidance on the grieving process, helping you move forward at your own pace.
Alex Murray
Alex Murray is a clinical psychologist with specialized training in CBT for anxiety and depression and DBT for emotional regulation. With an entrepreneurial spirit, she is passionate about making complex mental health concepts accessible through engaging articles and innovative products. Based in Auckland, New Zealand, she enjoys life with her husband, daughter, and two cats.
