If you have a friend who has recently lost someone close to them, you may be wondering how you can best support them. Good news: you don’t need to become a grief expert overnight. You don’t need magical words or a 5-step recovery plan. You just need to show up and be human.
Here are five things you can do:
1. Reach out and offer your condolences
Let your friend know that you are there for them and that you care about them. You don’t have to say anything profound or have all the answers. Just being there for them and letting them know that you are thinking of them can make a big difference.
“Hey, I heard what happened. I’ve been thinking about you. I’m here if you want to talk—or if you just need someone to sit with.”
That’s it. You don’t need to solve anything. Just reaching out can help break the loneliness that often wraps itself around grief.
💡 Pro tip: If you’re not sure what to say in a message, keep it short and sincere. A text that says “No pressure to reply, just wanted to check in and say I’m here for you” is more powerful than silence.
2. Listen to your friend
One of the most important things you can do for a grieving friend is to simply listen to them. Let them talk about their loved one and their feelings. Don’t try to offer advice or solutions. Just be there for them and listen to their story.
“Tell me about them. What were they like?” can open up space for memories, tears, laughs, or all three at once.
You don’t have to fix it. You just have to listen.
👂 What helps: Nods, “mmhmm,” and a genuine, “That sounds really hard.”
🚫 What doesn’t: “Have you tried yoga?” or “At least they lived a full life.”
3. Offer (or insist on providing) practical help
If your friend is struggling to take care of themselves or their household, offer to help with practical tasks, such as cooking meals, running errands, or helping with childcare. This can take some of the burden off of them and allow them to focus on their grief.
Grief fog is real. People forget to eat. Laundry becomes Everest. So instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try something specific:
“I’m dropping off dinner Tuesday—any allergies I should know about?”
“I’ve got an hour free Thursday—can I take the dog out or pick the kids up from school?”
💡 Bonus points: Offer again. People often decline the first time out of politeness, even if they’re drowning.
4. Be patient
Grief is a process that takes time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient with your friend and don’t expect them to “get over it” overnight.
You might wonder when they’ll feel “better.” The honest answer? Maybe never in the way you expect. The goal isn’t to move on, it’s to move forward, even in tiny steps.
Your job isn’t to track progress. It’s to show up consistently, even when it’s awkward or quiet or messy.
“One of the best things my friend did was not expect me to bounce back. She just kept showing up. That meant everything.” – Kyle, Manchester
5. Encourage your friend to seek professional services if needed
If your friend is struggling to cope with their grief, encourage them to seek assistance from dedicated grief services, or their doctor. They can help provide professional support and guidance as they work through their grief.
This doesn’t mean pushing them into therapy on week two. But if they’re feeling overwhelmed and stuck, over long periods of time, or you’re really worried about their wellbeing, you might gently say:
“I know this is a lot. Would it help to talk to someone who’s trained in this stuff? I can help you find someone, if you want.”
You can also let them know about apps (like ours!) or support groups that make it easier to access help when they’re ready.
A few more things that help (and a few that don’t)
Don’t be afraid to cry
Crying is a natural human response to grief. If your friend starts to cry, don’t be afraid to cry with them. It can be comforting to know that you are not alone in your grief.
You’re not there to be a robot. You’re there to be real. Sometimes, shared tears do more than a thousand tidy words ever could.
Respect your friend’s wishes
Some people may want to talk about their grief, while others may prefer to grieve in private. Respect your friend’s wishes and don’t push them to do anything they are not comfortable with.
Grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. Your friend might go quiet for a while, or need space from everyone. Don’t take it personally. Check in occasionally, but on their terms.
A few things to avoid
- Don’t say “I know how you feel.” Even if you’ve been through something similar, everyone’s grief is different. Try: “I can’t imagine exactly how this feels, but I’m here.”
- Don’t offer advice. “Have you tried journaling?” isn’t usually helpful in week one.
- Don’t pressure them to “get over it.” This isn’t a cold. There’s no timeline.
Be there for the long haul
Grief doesn’t run on a 6-week schedule. Your friend may seem “fine” after a few months, or they might still feel like a wreck. Keep showing up. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays are the days when a message can mean everything.
“All my friends stopped checking in after the funeral. Except one. She messaged on my mum’s birthday and said, ‘I’m lighting a candle for her today.’ I’ll never forget that.” – Leila, Canada
Final thoughts
There is no one right way to support a grieving friend. The most important thing is to be there for them and to let them know that you care.
Even if you don’t always get it right, your effort does make a difference. And if you’re reading this? You’re already trying. That counts.
